Friday, April 2, 2010

You make me want to punch a kitten

So I was standing in line today at a KFC (Kentucky Fried Chicken for those who live under a rock) for a little over 10 mins. Now waiting in line for 10 mins is not that odd, but there were only 2 people in the line in front of me. An old man, and in front of him a woman.

It's pretty rare that I decide I'm having a
KFC craving. As far as fast food goes, they can make a pretty good
poutine, but on the whole, I might go to one maybe 3 times a year. It's just not my thing.

The woman in the front of the line was being rather bitchy to the kid taking her order. She kept going on with questions about calories... How many calories in a large fries, how many calories if she adds ketchup, how many calories in their chicken sandwich... I'm not sure if she was counting calories because she didn't want to go over a limit, was trying to reach a limit, or was just a bitch, but I'll give the kid taking her abuse credit, he stayed polite, and did his best to not kill her with a diet soda can to the side of her head.

The old man in front of me, and behind this crazy woman politely asked if she would mind hurrying up, something about his blood sugar levels and needing to eat soon... and she turned around and bit off his head. So now I'm standing in line with a headless corpse of an old man, and a crazy woman (Alright, maybe she didn't LITERALLY bite it off... I think mostly because she didn't know how many calories were in a fresh human head).

Now what really got me was while trying to figure out the best way to reach her magic calorie count, she wanted to know how many calories would be in a large fries, classic chicken sandwich, and a large diet Pepsi, BUT (and figure this out) hold the lettuce.

HOLD.... THE.... LETTUCE...!

What the hell!? If you are worried about your health, your diet, the number of calories that you are taking in, whatever, and you are eating fast food crap, might I suggest NOT super sizing your meal, getting a bottle of water over the large diet Pepsi, and not worrying how many calories are in a single leaf of lettuce!

At this point the kid taking her order started to get a twitch in his eye, and told the crazy bitch that he did not know how many calories were in a single leaf of lettuce. The woman went ballistic! "Why don't you know!? You work here don't you!? It's the fucking law that you tell me how many calories are in your food!"

For the record, there are 5 calories in 1 leaf of romaine lettuce ( the outer leaf) and 1 calorie in the inner leaf ( I had to Google this, as I had no fucking clue at all).

People, let me lay it out straight for you... 99% of you ladies will NEVER look like
Megan Fox. EVER. this might sound cold, but on the flip side, I, and 99% of men will never look like Brad Pitt. I am okay with this, and you should be too. Just because we don't look like the people considered to be some of the hottest on our planet, does not mean we all look like, or are in danger of becoming the obese giant lard asses we see on Jerry Springer who have to be forklifted onto the stage to do the show. You can be healthy and not have a 6 pack of abs.

Having said all this, during my next time I have a fast food craving, if one of you health nut psychopaths that don't understand that fast food is NOT A HEALTHY CHOICE, one lettuce leaf or not, makes me wait over 10
mins to order my frigging sandwich, I will bite YOUR head off, because I couldn't give a rats ass how many calories your head has in it (The average human brain weighs 1,300 - 1,400 grams. Beef brain is 590 calories per serving which is 391 grams. The average brain is approximately 3.5 servings. Thus 2065 calories.... thank you
Google)!





13 Cans Of Redbull Later asks the question "Healthier without lettuce?"

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